“Most people are unaware of the degree to which they’re not trusting and open, of the extent to which their conversations don’t reflect what they actually think and feel.”
— Paraphrased from an interview in strategy + business with Chris Argyris, Harvard Business School Professor
Consider This:
Most of us are adept at self censoring our thoughts and feelings when we need to. We’re often so skilled at it that we don’t even realize we’re doing it. A thought can cross our mind – be deemed unwise to share – and get squashed in a split second. It happens outside of our consciousness. We just notice something feels off. Over time, our self-censorship takes a toll, draining our energy slowly but continually.
One way to understand where you might be censoring yourself is to use the Left Hand Column exercise developed by Chris Argyris & Donald Schon (described below). In it, you consider both what you’re saying and not saying in a given conversation. “It’s been eye-opening to pay attention to how many things I don’t bring up,” a client of mine recently commented. “Using the exercise, I’ve noticed how reluctant I am to surface potentially challenging issues with my management team. Interestingly, I’m starting to see patterns in the issues I tend to avoid. And more and more I’m finding ways to get these issues on the table for discussion.”
Try This:
Left Hand Column Exercise – developed by Chris Argyris and Donald Schon
- Pick an important conversation you’ve recently had.
- Draw a line down the center of a sheet of paper.
- In the right column reconstruct the conversation to the best of your ability – e.g. I said this, then he said this, then I said this etc.
- In the left column jot down what you were thinking and feeling at the moment that each thing was being said.
- Review both columns
- Are there differences between your external words and your internal self talk and feelings?
- If so, how can you begin to productively raise some of your left hand column thoughts?
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